All I really needed was....

I am pretty sure that hardly anyone is going to read this but I need it the most. I need somplace that I can just write what I am feeling and not really care. I have already seen that keeping a diary in my house is impossible so I guess this is the next best thing for me.

So lately I have been feeling like the next thing is going to tick me off and well finally it happened and everything just spilled out today on my dad. I kinda felt bad but in a way I just let things out and let him know how I really felt about things. Everything started back with me not doing good in college my freshman year and it gradually got worse. When I got home this summer everyone was pestering me about how I didn't do good in school and how that I am the smartest out of the four kids and how in the hell am i failing college. Well that started to grind on my nerves and by that time I am starting my summer classes and I was on house arrest until my grades are seen to improve. They did suprisingly but I went out one night to get a milkshake and I didn't tell dad and that finally cracked me so bad.

Words were exchanged rather loudly and ended up with me just crying in my dad arms. I couldn't take holding up my fascade that I was ok with everything. In fact I am not ok with a lot of things that are going on in my life. I hate the fact that I don't have a boyfriend. I hate the fact that I am overweight. I hate the fact that I am failing. I hate that I feel like crap. I hate the fact that guys are pigs sometimes. Trust me I finally figured out what goes on in a guys mind since that is all I work with is guys and it isn't much. I hate how they talk about girls. It makes me sick and sort of glad that I don't have a guy like that. Every guy that I have met besides two that I can think of have actually been like that. Its disgusting.

So I am breaking down the doors one by one to show the world the real me. Hopefully people can accept the real me because it is very different than the person I precieve to be.